How do you know if you love Allah? I mean, really. How do you know if you love His messenger? If you love him enough? Or wait...maybe the question should be: how do you know if they love you enough? ok, you know what...I'm not sounding right. I'm usually pretty good at expressing myself through writing, but something's seriously up with this blog.
I guess I'm really annoyed at how inconsistant I write. Or how I'm not really writing about the things i want to. I want to write about how much I want to go to Makkah. How annoyed I am at the Americans that hate me even though they don't know me. At all the wars around the world-the ones that make me feel like I am dying. Slowly, but surely. The brother in Iraq is my hand. The sister in Palestine, my lungs. The mother in Afghanistan, my eyes. When they die, so do I.
I feel so useless. Like, what can I do? Correction: What should I do? And when? When I go to Egypt (where I plan to live as soon as I turn 18,btw) I feel that we American Muslims are so spoiled. It was in Egypt that I first cried for the dead around the world. It was in Egypt that I first started to pray at night. To cry at night. To humble myself, instead of always seeking more. and more. It was in Egypt that I started to realize the power of charity.
You know here in California, I walk into the masjid, right up to the donation box, and Blink! There goes my quarter (I usually give more than that, but I like the word "blink!" and dollar bills don't make any sounds). I used to feel happy. YAY!! I just helped "the masjid renovation/paying-all-the-bills-that-the-masjid-gets committee". But I can never see my money helping anyone. I used to blame myself for not feeling excitement at helping pay the electricity bills, but it was in the busy streets of Cairo that I realized the truth. The happiness that comes with charity is in the eyes of a homeless boy, fed after days. The eyes of an orphan girl, finally able to get the medicine she needs.
Allah is merciful, you get the reward in the dunya and akhirah.
If you are sad one day, mourning over a fateful experience you just had, go outside and put a dollar in the hands of one who needs you. You will be the richest person on Earth!